Home improvement teamwork twice the fun
by Roger Faris
A recent home improvement adventure changed my life. My high school philosophy teacher, Mrs. Bryan, would have called it a peak experience. She would not have been joking around about attaining a high point while working at the apex of the roof. Bad puns were left to boys of my stripe. In truth, though, the roof was the stage for both high drama and low comedy.
The project began innocently, as a general fix-up of a house to be occupied by the wonderful parents of my wife, Janet. They are the most pleasant in-laws imaginable, and certainly deserve an attractive place to live in. First step was to survey the house and write a list of projects.
I am known by my neighbors as someone who has spare time. Diane Bennett once noticed the trim detail and stairway in the partially furnished mouse hole in our living room wall and stated that I have way too much time. But no one reading the list of needed repairs and improvements would calculate that I, alone, could accomplish what was needed before reaching retirement age. I would need help. I would need Tony Holder!
Tony is a fellow I've enjoyed working with on other jobs. He has the skill and experience to do nearly any home project. His interesting, funny, and gentle personality is probably somehow connected to his relationships with a fascinating family and wonderful friends. He also has an unusual background in academics, dance, teaching Tai Chi, and creating art. The critical element, though, is that he listens to public radio almost all of the time; thus, I knew that we could be a creative team, and collaborate to have fun.
The first phase of the remodel went quite well, although we took on some dirty jobs. A considerable amount of rotten wood had to be removed and replaced, since someone in the distant past had failed to anticipate how rainwater might enter places where it must never be allowed. Several other instances of poor design also required that we think of better solutions. We sought inspiration by reading aloud passages from The Uniform Building Code, and listening to such programs as "Car Talk" and "All Things Considered."
One day that is deeply engraved in our memories. It was time to renew the surface of a low-slope section of the roof. We consulted with a local roofing material supplier, then purchased rolls of a "torch down" bituminous product. Bitumen is a naturally occurring substance consisting mainly of hydrocarbons. Heat applied to the underside of the material causes it to melt and burn with a yellow, smoky flame.
The source of the heat was a large propane torch which the rental shop calls a "weed burner." I'd never thought of my eyebrows as weeds until that day. We started with the one burner and found that the progress was steady, but too slow. We also ran out of propane. I returned with two six-gallon bottles of the compressed gas, two hoses, and two large burner nozzles. We were ready for a Valkyrien experience.
The critical moment was reached at the edge of the roof. We had been crawling along toward the precipice, and signaling each other that a fall to the pavement below would be in violation of one of our safety rules. It was time to pull the torches away from the inferno, point them in another direction, and turn them off.
I don't remember where I pointed my torch, but I do know that Tony's was aimed right at my head. My hairstyle was instantly altered. If split ends are not desirable, what would my barber say of burned ends. But this was a question for later consideration. The need for quick action was apparent. Clapping hands to my head did the trick. The crackling noise ended as abruptly as it had begun.
Tony looked at me with concern, but could see that all was well, and that the project had entered a heroic phase. My eyebrows were now slain warriors on the road to Valhalla. They were accompanied by beautiful maidens of the Norse God Odin.
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